Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Bunny

The bunny, the bunny, whoa, I love the bunny... think VeggieTales

Shortly after I gave birth to my son, I started sleeping with a stuffed animal again. Or I should say, I started sleeping with a stuffed animal regularly. And it's even the cat's bunny. She will seek out the bunny and kneed it with her paws while purring with contentment. We have an enormous, 3 month old child size Easter Bunny rabbit that has become a third occupant of our bed. Earlier this week, I thought I could give the bunny up, but no....

Shortly after Quint was born, I would hug the bunny so I wouldn't wake up panicked thinking "where is the baby?!" Lately I've stopped having the "where is the baby" dream but have now graduated on to the "gotta feed the baby" dream. The other night, I sort of woke up with this chant running through my head: "gotta feed the baby, gotta feed the baby, gotta feed the baby..." I even found the rabbit, tried to get it to latch on (tricky when your mouth is stitched on), then realized that of course the "baby" can't latch on because I'm not in the nursing rocking chair! I tuck the rabbit in my arm the way I frequently carry Quint lately - mostly sitting upright in the crook of my arm, firmly holding his thigh. I get over to the bedroom door where I realize that the rabbit is a rabbit and not necessary to feed the baby. I toss the rabbit over to my side of the bed. I put my hand on the bedroom door and stop to listen. There is no baby crying. I don't gotta feed the baby. Wait, am I even engorged? Do I need to pump? Is that what caused this dream? No. None of that. Go to bed.

There have been several times that I've been comforted by the fact that the "baby" was right there with us in the bed. Meaning the bunny. And then as I wake up, I'm really glad we've never had the baby sleep in the bed with us. Very frequently, one of us is laying completely on top of the bunny. Or just it's head. There have been several times that I've tried to determine if the "baby's" head was at the head of the bed only to determine that the "baby" had a fuzzy, pointed snout and therefore could be hugged upside down. Recently, my husband said that when he came to bed, while I was still completely asleep, I held up the bunny to show him that I had it. As in, I'm completely unconscious and launch the bunny into the air, the full length of my arm, then tuck it back in beside me and roll back over.

Last night was the second night that I slept badly because I was trying to do something with the baby in my sleep and having the stuffed bunny would have helped me accomplish it and just go back to sleep. I couldn't find the bunny in my sleep last night. It was cleverly hidden right beside my pillow. I gotta do better.

Random rant about my typically wonderful husband: Quint woke up at 12:30 last night wanting another feeding. We did not expect him to be awake until about 4am, but there it is. My husband wakes me up to ask me if I would like him to feed the baby. The point of him feeding the baby is for me to be able to remain asleep. I have told him several times lately that I'm pumping enough milk that whenever he thinks he needs to feed the baby and I'm asleep or not present, just feed the baby! If it makes me short on milk for the next day, I'll deal with it and I super duper really promise to not be mad at Hubby for using the precious pumped milk.

Also last night, he wanted to try to recognize Quint's midnight bottle habits so we could prepare better and "make a plan". Even in my semi-conscious state last night, I managed to tell him that Quint hasn't been much of a pattern keeper lately. The consistency has been that at some point during the night, he will sleep for 6 or 7 hours straight. There has been no pattern as to whether that stretch starts at 9pm or 1am. Breast milk can sit out for up to 6 hours. Because we can't predict when the 6 hour stretch will be, I don't want to set out a bottle that might go bad while we sleep. Hubby doesn't want to hold a screaming child while a bottle heats (about 5 minutes). Hubby needs to get over this. Hubby needs to hold the crying baby where I can't hear him while the bottle heats. Hubby does not ever need to wake me up to ask me if I want him to feed Quint. If Quint is going bonkers just on the other side of an uninsulated wall and I'm managing to sleep through it, I really, seriously, NEED TO SLEEP.

Perhaps I can figure out some way to convey this to Hubby during the day today when we're not sleep deprived with a crying baby nearby. Anybody got any choice phrases that might help me out here? Those of you who know my husband know how much he loves to "make a policy". For the first time in our marriage, I too want to make a policy on this. Typically policies only come back to beat me over the head and in the last year, I have refused to make any policies. Now here I am WANTING to make a policy and he's unsure. Go figure.

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