Tuesday, March 31, 2009


So, yeah, I know it's crazy and I know I'll regret rushing things later, but I'm really ready to start showing already!!! I'm still in my same size pants as pre-pregnancy. I've lost 4 pounds, something I couldn't manage to do while not pregnant. It makes me wonder if there's really a baby in there at all! Sure my periods have stopped, and today is a very unusual 3rd day with no morning sickness, but, but, but, but....is it really in there?! I want to be showing!!! Hubby said, "yeah, remember you said this when your back has been hurting for 2 months straight and you can't see your feet." Extremely good point, but still.

Later that same night, he had his ear to my belly trying to hear something and asked me if I had felt it move yet. I'm at 13 weeks, so it would be highly unusual to feel it kick this early. So on some level, he wants some extra proof (other than an emotional wife) as well.

The doctor had asked me to come back in after 2 weeks to get my blood pressure checked. My BP always runs a smidge high, and that has still been the case, even though your BP is supposed to drop a little while you're pregnant. So while I was there at the doctor's, without my asking, the nurse got out her belly wand thingymajig and we looked for the heartbeat again. This time, it was easy to find, loud, and strong. And at 162, right where it needed to be. Big huge proof that it really is in there! Hubby seemed relieved to hear about it too. He didn't go with me to that appointment since we thought they would only check my BP. The nurse even said the heartbeat was beautiful. How a sound can be beautiful, I don't know, but my little sprout's first compliment was music to my ears!

Last night, Hubby said it looked to him like I'm showing, but perhaps he was being extremely sweet about my new belly button fat. But I'll take it as he meant it, as a sweet compliment.

Monday, March 30, 2009

longing for the lake

Hubby called to confirm the dates of our beach vacation with his mother and step-dad. That got me thinking about what other trips we might take this summer and when they might be. Suddenly I was mentally transported to the lake near my folks house. All that wonderful green water, bright sunshine, the smells, security, and relaxation of floating aimlessly neck deep in lake water. How wonderful! I look forward to floating my baby bump around that cove in the lake. There’s likely to be a chocolate cake in the boat that, by the time we get to it, will be so warm from the sun that the super sweet icing will be gooey and get everywhere. Your fingers become a sticky mess that can only be remedied with another dip in the lake. Dang! We always take smoked sausage “hot dogs” and cantaloupe and water melon and eat like ravenous wolves after a few hours of swimming. Everything tastes better when it’s eaten outside.

Last year, I tried water-skiing again for the first time in years. For the first time in my life, my fibromyalgia wasn’t a factor, and I was in great shape physically. Why not! I tried several times, but at best, only skied for about 10 seconds before I bit it. All my bikini parts stayed on (always a plus!) despite my repeated high speed falls into the water. I finally quit trying when my legs were shaky with exhaustion and ALL of my mucus membranes had been stripped of their good mucus. I’m really glad I tried though! I won’t try this year because of the baby, but the year after that, I’ll be 8 months past delivery so I might try again then.

Recently in an economics class, the prof asked how you know whether your vacation was worth the time and expense it took. My answer: if the memories make you relax all over, smile a little, and sigh with contentment, then it was well worth the money. Trips to the lake at my folks definitely rate as “well worth it”. My hubby has even said that he enjoys the lake as much as a Caribbean trip and would substitute that any time. Well that makes life easier! We would see my parents anyway!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Easily entertained

I know I'm easily entertained. It makes me a cheap date which is a good thing in my mind. And it's so much easier to be consistently happy if you're easily entertained. This morning, I was entertained by the most creative inventor of entertainment in our house: the cat.

Hubby had let her in while going downstairs to turn the heat on. It was warm enough yesterday that I turned it off and left an upstairs window open. We didn't think of the heat again until our arms were chilly in the morning. Kitty sleeps in the garage with her cat pan because 3am meows could be "hey, I wanna play" or "hey, I gotta GO!" Because of the latter, we always become super awake at 3am meows. So hubby lets the kitty in at like 6:30 and she soon curls up on the foot of our bed, sometimes on my feet, while hubby gets ready for work.

Very relaxed, dishrag kitty is frequently very near the edge of the bed. While stretching and trying to be cute (goal accomplished), half of her body falls off the bed. Normally, she self-corrects before she actually falls off the bed, but not this morning. The hysterical part was that I could see her face during the whole thing! She latched onto the non-stable bedclothes with her front paws, and with completely terrified eyes, meows "Help!" to me as if this is some cliff and her life is at stake. She quickly realizes that her back feet can touch the ground and drops onto the floor. I lean over to see her face and she's got this look: incredibly ticked off and feeling stupid. I'm of course laughing, so then she transfers the filthy look to me, like it's my fault.

To make up for my inconsiderate laughing, I shot 20 hairbands for her entertainment before I left for work and scratched her neck for quiet a while. Hopefully, she will forgive me.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Feeling better!

I feel great today!! After 2 nights of horrible sleep, I finally woke up today feeling really rested. I even washed my hair early in the morning and it didn't wipe me out! Beautiful day! I felt good enough (not dizzy, woosy, or nauseous) yesterday to exercise with the regular group here at work and I think I slept better because of that. Also, with the onset of spring, perhaps my winter blues are abating. I think my fatigue may be starting to go away! I'm much more able now to move around and do things. Thursday, I was only sleepy from lack of sleep, not weak kneed. An improvement!

Hubby took his exit test for his masters today and he thinks it went well. He picked me up and we had "champ" burgers at checkers to celebrate. Yum!

I'm 6 weeks behind on my 10 year journal and have been trying to catch it up. It's been 2 weeks since I tried and so I'm filling in those last two weeks with much more ease than that 3 week gap in early Feb. This blog helps though. I can be completely blank on what happened that day but I wrote about it here! Keeping the journal at work is kinda obvious, but typing on a computer makes me look like I'm working! Cool!

For the first time in weeks and weeks, I have enough energy on Friday that I have actually thought about what I might want to get done this weekend. Usually, my mind is bursting with this huge, ambitious list on Fridays that I start working on Saturday. But with baby fatigue, it doesn't even cross my mind. I'm busy nearly all day Sunday, and hubby is busy most of the day Saturday, so I better get my stuff done Saturday.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Warning! Super sappy cutsy lovey dovey blog!

Warning: Sappy cutsy crap that no one outside the marriage should be subjected to!

We got to hear the heartbeat on Monday and ever since, hubby has been so very sweet and lovey dovey. On Monday, he said in his cute little boy voice that he missed me. I asked if that was because I had two heartbeats, and he said yeah, that could be the reason. He looks at me differently now and I just love it! After (nearly) 7 years of marriage those super special lovey looks naturally get less frequent and it's really great to share this kind of joy with each other. And we're getting to go through all the big joy again since we're telling work this week and we've partially told the church already.

Sappy stuff is over.

When we were in the doctor's office, it took them a while, and 2 nurses, to find the heartbeat. While they were "looking" for the heartbeat, he seemed to be a little distant and distracted. I asked him about it Monday night and he said he had gotten really concerned that they wouldn't find it at all! That honestly didn't occur to me, and I thanked him for not saying that at the time. The whole time that the first nurse was looking, she kept saying that it was so early, and the little guy was so small, and whatsherface would probably come in here and find it immediately which would make her "mad as far" which made me laugh, which didn't help in the search. All these comments made me feel confident that it was there, just hiding. I told him that I've heard that if they are really having trouble finding the heartbeat, there's a (ahem) "non-topical device" (how's that for a technical name) that can hear things much better if they're really concerned. Whatsherface did come in and find it after just a couple minutes. He laughed and I cried a bit.

My blood type is O negative which means I may have an rH issue with the baby's blood type. No biggie, really, but I'll probably have to get a shot later to make sure I don't develop anti-bodies to my baby. My blood pressure is a bit high, but it always has been. Not very high, but it usually gets mentioned. Typically, a woman's blood pressure goes down when she's pregnant. My doctor may want to do something about that if it persists.

We've been talking about little girl names in multiple three sentence conversations. Really just throwing out names and then asking again in a couple days what we think of it. We've been landing on a first name of Hope lately, and just kicking around middle names. If it's a boy, the name is basically predestined, so there's no point in tossing those around.

It's really strange to think about how different life could be for me and hubby if we eventually have either 2 girls or 2 boys. (Right now we've talked about having either 2 or 3 kids.) I've seen extremely girly women turn out with two boys and wind up learning about football, muddy cleats, and jump straight in to tough guy talk. I've seen women who weren't girly at all turn into princess decorating, fingernail painting, dress up queens. It's weird how kids can change who you are so much.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Heartbeat!! and annoucement

Today we went for a checkup with the OB/GYN and we got to hear the heartbeat!!! I'm only 11 weeks so it took them a while to find it. I started laughing which wiggled me and the nurse lost it. So when she found it again, I held my breath. Nathan laughed and I cried a little because I couldn't laugh. That little heart was just pounding away! Very cool!

On Sunday I finally told my choir members. I felt extremely woosy Sunday and could not catch my breath while standing. As a result, I saw a few spots in my vision at the end of a 4 verse hymn and was very glad to sit down. As soon as our special music was over, I ducked out and went to sit in the congregation. From there, I wound up sitting through a whole other hymn instead of standing, in full view of the choir. After church, when we were all in the choir room changing out of our robes and putting music away, someone asked me if I was alright. I said lightheartedly, "oh, I just can't seem to catch my breath today" and sat down to sort out my music (we all usually stand to do this 30 second task). I turned around and had 5 worried women's faces staring at me. Someone said, "that doesn't sound good." More concerned staring. "Oh hell," I say (in church, I know!) "I was going to tell y'all next week but I'm pregnant." Much relieved joy and lots of hugging. Lots of gushing and questions. Then after a minute, they realize that hubby is there too and they should congratulate him too. Lots more hugging and patting on the back. He says, "well, I was out of work and had to find something to do!" Yuk yuk. (Back in January, we found out I was pregnant 4 days before he got a job.) That was not at all how I planned to tell the choir (i.e. church) but oh well. It couldn't be put off any longer. Very fun day!

Now I want to tell my work immediately. Maybe I should clean up my desk and finish my filing first. Hmmmm....

Friday, March 13, 2009

lunch treat!

Hubby calls me up at 11:30 and offers to take me out to lunch. How sweet! Especially since I talked him into taking the cost out of his allowance since we'll likely want to spend the recreation fund on St. Paddy's day, and I'm negative $15 in my allowance. Sweet guy! And since my lunch plans were sketchy anyway, this is good. I did manage to make it to work today with lunchmeat, mayo, cheese and bread, but I still didn't have a firm and appetizing plan for lunch. That happens when you throw up while packing your lunch. The details get fuzzy. So I got to have yummy gyro meat with that wonderful goo on top. I got to see both of hubby's co-workers too. And I had my illicit 2nd Dr. Pepper that I allow myself on Fridays. Yum!!

Speaking of my negative allowance, I have wonderful friends. Wednesday, we went out to a food court type place for one of the girls' birthday. Since I have a negative balance on my allowance, and the public food court wouldn't care, I took my lunch instead of buying it. Not a single one of them made any jokes about me not buying my lunch! I caught no grief for being cheap and we didn't even talk about the tough economic times or the need to budget in our lives. Two ladies said (when the table wasn't full yet) something like "oh, you brought your lunch?" or "just a sandwich today?" I said, "yeah, I spent 3 weeks worth of my allowance on a concert ticket." "oooo," she says with happy, interested eyes "what concert?" The conversation then went to venue, artist, and seat choices in that particular venue. So I not only got unspoken support from my friends for being cheap, but, even better, it was a non-issue! I've got great friends!

Funny phrase maternity shirts are fun to look at. My favorites right now are "watermelon smuggler" and "practice makes preggy". Also in the running are "you can touch mine if I can touch yours", "pretending to take your advice", and "bake until October". The problem with "practice makes preggy" is that people might then be staring at you and visualizing the practice. Probably not what anyone really wants. A shirt for hubby would be "surrogate father" printed right over his Buddha belly. I wonder if I'll even buy any of these, or if just thinking about them is entertainment enough. I think I'd rather be $30 further out of debt before the baby comes than to have a $30 T-shirt I can only wear for less than a year. Where's the $8 version?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Virtual Crib Shopping

So I started my online crib shopping today. I started by looking up articles on a new baby on a budget. The first article I read was all concerned about the cribs that Angelina & Brad use with their twins. Who cares? But here's this darling crib that looks similar for only $659. Yes this is quite the bargain considering that Angelina's was about $3000, but what about all us real people in the world? I'm looking at the Target site and there are two cribs for $150 for sale. That's more what I was thinking.

But after reading the reviews on the $150 cribs, perhaps I do want the $250 range of cribs. These reviews have to be taken with a grain of salt though. I started only reading about cribs who had more than 10 reviews, because most of the crib reviews out there are from soon to be parents, not actual parents. Because the soon to be parents haven't actually used their crib yet, all they can comment on is how easy it was to put together, how pretty it is, and if they think their un-tried product is sturdy. I started scanning the end of these reviews for phrases like "can't wait to try it out" and skipping that review entirely. Why would you write a review if you haven't actually used the product for its intended purpose?

I completely understand why there aren't more reviews by parents. With a first time parent of an infant, who has time to care about a review? This makes me even grateful for the parents who have tried the product and THEN reviewed it.

Reality is that I'll likely purchase a crib on craigslist. But I like the craigslist descriptions that give me enough info to go back to the Target site and look at the reviews there.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Yesterday, aside from the no-warning vomit, I felt really good all day long. I had tons of energy and once I got home, I really got stuff done!! I opened all the windows since it was 70, turned on some great music and cleaned my house for the first time about a month!

I cleaned off the kitchen counter, cleaned off the dining table and shook out the tablecloth. I scrubbed down all the counters and the stove. I found the surface of the kitchen table. I found the surface of the coffee table in the living room. I cleaned out the fridge and no longer have to hold my breath when I open it! I threw away 3 half jars of gravy out of the fridge (3?). I tied the cat's toy to my jeans and let her chase me around while I did all this. I swept, got about a cup of ick, then I mopped and even waxed the most used spots!!! I threw away all the mail trash. I put away the grocery bags. I loaded the dish washer (but forgot to run it). I felt like a million bucks! I treated myself to a second Dr. Pepper. I fit into my size 8 jeans yesterday and was not uncomfortable! That does not mean I've lost weight, it only means that I didn't have amazing gas that day.

My next door neighbor has told me that during the second trimester, I will be able to conquer the d*** world. If this is what it's like, then bring it on!!!!

Monday, March 9, 2009

not a pregnancy blog (riiiiiight)

I really didn't intend for this to be a pregnancy blog, but it's always the big thing on my mind!

We've entered a new phase of pregnancy. I spent 2 or 3 weeks in the "nauseous all the time but don't hurl" phase, but now I've entered a more annoying phase. A potentially problematic to keeping the pregnancy a secret from work phase. It's the never nauseous but might vomit with absolutely ZERO NOTICE phase!!! As in, my first clue is the fact that my body, involuntarily makes that huge lurching gagging motion and I just hope to God that nothing comes out that first try. This morning, it was mid-primp. Leaning in close to the mirror looking for zits or flakes when I see myself make the vomit motion. "what the h3ll. Really?!" I say, but dutifully go over to the toilet. The whole episode I'm talking to myself with highly logical reasoning. "It's not like there's anything in there, so why don't you just quit. I said quit, you're not going to get anything. Oh, great prove me wrong...what the h3ll is that anyway? where did you get that? Quit showing off and let me comb my hair." I'm actually saying this out loud and the cat comes to investigate. I don't usually talk to myself in the mornings. I talk to her. She sees what's going on and wants to look in the toilet, not understanding why I lovingly fling her aside. It does pass and I never have that clammy, sweaty phase, so that's a relief. I finish getting dressed and go downstairs to eat and leave. Neither of which is a problem, oddly enough.

Had a dream this weekend that I'd had the baby and could communicate easily with it. Upon reviewing my dream, I'm not sure if he spoke back to me or if it was more telepathic. He was a fat little Michelin man guy and about 5 months big even though I'd had him yesterday. People would ask me his name and it was only at that point that I would realize that he was a girl. I'd forget again in a few minutes and realize it all over again. He agreed with me that I should really keep his gender straight. Also, I didn't know other basics like his birthday, weight at birth, or how old he was. Very weird. Also, I was the size I am now, even though I'd supposedly had him yesterday. I'm currently a size 10 with only a little extra thigh and bellybutton fat extra from "normal" for me. Wouldn't that be great!

Spring is springing here with lots of daffodils bursting everywhere and those wretched Bradford Pear trees blooming their pretty and stinky blooms. (No flower should ever smell like crotch.) It will be 70 today! Woohooo!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Solution of the day!

This morning, I actually threw up and because of that, I expected to feel better within just a few minutes. I felt kinda better, but by the time I got to work, I was more nauseous and weak than I think I've been while pregnant. After 45 minutes of literally hanging my head between my knees and eating crackers I finally felt good enough to sit up. Several folks at work noticed me in this hang-dog condition and asked if I was OK. SURE!!! I always do this while I have an ice pack on my neck! It's amazing to me how something cool on your neck can settle your stomach. It makes no sense, but works every time. Well, for me, anyway.

So an hour later, I'm plugging along on some computer work, listening to a book on CD that I've heard several times. In the story, the main character described in detail a delicious roast beef sandwich and the amazing satisfaction it gave. Suddenly, I HAD TO HAVE ONE!!! I called Arby's and found out they opened at 10am. I summoned the energy and got myself over there. I bought their biggest roast beef sandwich and an illicit 2nd Dr Pepper of the day for me. That had to be the best sandwich ever created!!!

I felt 1000 times better immediately after and enjoyed sucking down my enormous Dr Pepper. Now I'm not weak, wobbly, queasy, or anything! The solution for at least today was a big ass, meat filled sandwich! A friend saw the remains of this huge sandwich, with it's one inch think pile of meat and said, "that's what you should be eating while you're pregnant. Big meat that you can just bury your face in." She's right.

So why haven't I been eating big stuff like that? I've been trying to eat healthier but the result is that I have 8 healthy snacks a day and not really any big meals. The big meal is what made me better today. I've got to figure out some really tasty, really big things I can eat that's easy to keep handy. Spaghetti with pasta mixed in, maybe.

That will be easy to figure out, riiiiiiiight!

Thursday, March 5, 2009


Being pregnant is weird. You never know what to expect from your body anymore. Just last week, the way to cure my nausea was to eat, eat, and keep eating. Now, even when I've just had a whole meal, 10 minutes later, I'm just a little nauseous. Just a tiny, annoying bit.

You never know when you'll be dizzy and when you're trying to hide a pregnancy from your work, you have to be careful who sees that happen! Sitting is lots better than standing. It's amazing how quickly and how often I need to sit. And how often a chair isn't close enough and, look, the floor's right there! Plop. At home, the kitty meows at me when I suddenly drop to the ground. Haven't landed on her yet.

I'm at week 10. They say things should get better around week 12 or 14. Let's go with 12 just for rosy outlook purposes. Glug.

At Easter, I'll be 15 weeks along and we're planning on telling the rest of the world then. Very little chance of miscarriage by then. The rest of the world being work and church. A few folks know at each place, but after Easter I'll take my girlfriends out and make a grand announcement!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

car seat troubles

Bad day of morning sickness. Maybe I’ll feel human soon. Maybe.

So it occurs to me this morning that both of our cars are older and perhaps don’t have the LATCH system for child seat anchors. In my queasy state, I sloutch in my office chair and try to find where this feature is listed on car specs. Click, click, tipity tap, what is that thing called anyway. What keyword do I search for? Child seat anchors, AKA “child anchors” seeing how the word seat is way too common in car specs. Cute visual of a child dangling in the shape of a sea anchor with a string running through its head. Bobbing, bobbing, ugh sea sick.

Anyway, after 90 minutes of frustrating searches it dawns on me that if it was there, I would have found it by now. Crap. A friend offers to help me examine my car for the necessary parts. Nada. She bluntly tells me (a habit I usually like in her) that it’s going to be a royal pain in the keister to get a car seat strapped in there. Great. She recommended never removing the car seat from my car once we get it in there right. Our other car may or may not have the anchors. If it doesn’t, she recommended buying a third seat if someone else ever needed to transport my child.

Oddly, getting up and going down to the car has made me feel better! Now if I can just eat something quick before the non-nausea ends, my day might improve!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Actual productivity!

At work today, for the first time in quite a while, I'm actually getting mountains of work done at a fairly good clip! Yesterday, I managed to finish one huge task and it's given me confidence that I can get other things done too. So I'm working on the deposits which involves sorting out which kinds of checks they all are, then creating the group deposits to go with it. For the first time in weeks (it seems) my inbox is not just one big mess of checks! It can't have been weeks because these checks are dated quite recently. Anyway, that clutter was cluttering my mind, it seems.

Today in the lunchroom, I sat with the woman who can only talk about herself. Usually about how great she is, or about how awful her pregnancy is. (My pregnancy is still a secret.) Today, she had a great day! Not one word about her terrible pregnancy and she only talked about her new car once! She's one of those folks who likes to complain about something wonderful as a way of bragging. She had a complaint about her new car and I'm sure I frustrated her by not asking all about her new car. Is it wrong that I find great joy in thwarting her bragging/complaining? I spend way too much time thinking of ways to block her pregnancy complaints. When my pregnancy becomes public and she realizes that we're only a week apart in our due dates I wonder if I'll become a peppy Pollyanna only in her presence, just to throw off her idea that we can complain together about our horrible conditions. I have no idea how she will react to the news of my pregnancy, but I bet she'll view it as me stealing her spotlight. She really brings out the witchy thoughts in me. For the most part, I'm able to not say them out loud, but there will come a time.....

Today, I'm having a good day with my pregnancy! I've been eating every 90 minutes to fight weakness, and as I said earlier, I've really been able to get some things done today! Woohoo!! Maybe I'll even wash my hair tonight! How exciting!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Planning ahead

Planning ahead is so important for my daily success in life. I don't mean "I got the promotion" kind of success. I mean "it didn't take me 45 minutes to pick out an outfit and I didn't have chips for supper" kind of success. And it only takes me a few minutes on Sunday to make these plans for success, but I still haven't managed to do that for about a month. Finally, today, I feel good enough to care.

For several weeks, my morning sickness has gotten the better of me and conspired to thwart my efforts at organization. If I’m not nauseous, then I’m fatigued. If I’m not either of those, I’m depressed because it’s Sunday and I still haven’t gotten anything done, which of course encourages lethargy and not productivity. Vicious cycle that is usually solved by exercise (endorphins) but that is currently hampered by the weak-kneed syndrome of the pregnant (at least for me).

But today, I’m fairly well rested, not fatigued (as long as I stay sitting), and I’ve just eaten a meal so my nausea is in retreat (at least for the next 90 minutes). My meal included protein, so I’m actually able to make some decisions. I’ve looked at the weather and plotted out what I want to wear each day based on the temperature. I’ve sat and brainstormed about what actually sounds good to eat lately and am starting on a meal schedule for the week. It’s amazing. When I can think straight, there are lots of good food options just waiting in my pantry! But when it’s 5:30, my hubby isn’t home, and I can’t think straight, then two Little Debbies honey buns and two big glasses of milk might serve as supper. Not the best way to make a baby. On the other hand, I had both carbohydrates and protein!

So today I’m writing out my schedule of food. I start by listing all the snacks or meals that have actually sounded good lately. Quite a long list when I can think straight! Now the plotting begins, keeping in mind that I won’t want a cold lunch on a cold day and that hubby will get home late Mon, Tues, & Wed and I’ll be on my own for putting together a meal for myself. Also keep in mind that two suppers might be required. I’ve found that if I go to bed so full that I’m slightly in pain, then my morning sickness is nearly cured in the morning!

Done! Ok, so that took a lot more effort and white-out than I expected, but I’ve got a week’s worth of meals planned! Woohoo!! It only took me an hour to schedule my clothes, my lunches, my suppers, start a grocery list, and write a blog. Fairly productive hour overall. Kudos to me!