Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sweet boy

Friday was a rough day for me. I had my glucose test, we had another Ultrasound, and we looked for a daycare. All this, and it seems I've missed one of my depression pills, so I was crabby and sad on top of all that.

For the glucose test, I had to not eat any sugar or carbs before I went to the doctor at 11:30. It seems that all I ever eat before noon is sugar and carbs. So I was starving while rather worried about morning sickness. Last Saturday, I had a rather bad episode of morning sickness - the first in about a month. I finally just went to Arby's and bought a sack of roast beef sandwiches to eat the meat out of. Also, I found an expired Sprite Zero in the fridge at work. Finally, sanity returned. My husband was very grateful as well.

We got to the doctor and I drank my glucola thingy (which tastes like orange drink from Crystal light) and started feeling light headed because of the sudden sugar after 12 hours of no sugar. Not so bad, though.

We got to go see our sweet boy again on the Ultrasound!! That was really cool! The lady took some 3D shots of his little face for us and my husband thinks he can see a bit of my dad in them! Also, he was working his little mouth like he was tasting something. Then his tongue peeked out for a second. We both laughed and were so excited! We got to see his little toes and his little fists. The image was too quick to see if he has any webbed toes - a beloved family trait of my husband's. They estimated from measurements she took that the baby is about 3 pounds 10 ounces. Based on those measurements, he's measuring about the size of a 32 week baby and he's only 29 weeks along. So I've got a good, big, healthy boy! The doctor even said that whatever I was doing to grow this baby, keep doing it, it's working. Kudos to me!

After my blood was drawn for the glucose test, we set out to look at daycares. The good news is that we found a really, really great place that we would love to have our little boy stay. It's a loving, home type environment with a great back yard and two women who are cuddly and warm. They keep about 8 kids, are a licensed daycare, and have a 3 star rating by the state - the best you can get. The kids we saw there were well behaved and a little shy, but as we were leaving, she said, "say bye kids" and they all chorused "bye" and were starting to move around more normally then. We had come in right after naptime was over and just before Friday movie time. There is a bit of a wait to get in there though. We've got another place that we like that has an opening in December, when we'll likely need a spot, that also has 3 stars, but is more of a pre-school type environment instead of a home type environment. We'll need a pre-school later, but for an infant, we'd prefer more personalized care. So we have a plan! And that's a relief.

The bad news is that I cried between seeing each place, even after the wonderful home environment place. After having just seen our little boy's face on the Ultrasound, I think that made it worse. I don't want to leave my baby anywhere! My wonderful husband interpreted my tears as me wishing he made more money so I could stay home. Which is not the case. Well, it is, but I've never really expected him to make enough for me to stay home with our first baby. We pulled over at the dam, overlooking the lake, and went through the logic and the math one more time. If I quit my job, even if we painfully scrimped, stopped any kind of travel, did nothing for Christmas, never had any car repairs, and never had a car payment again, we would still be short by $400 or $500 each month. It's just not possible. And I could very well go stark raving mad with no adult interaction after just 6 months of baby gurgling. We make plenty enough to afford a baby between us, but I make too much by myself to be able to quit. I knew this when we got married. I knew that my husband wasn't in his profession just to make money, but to make a difference. I intentionally married a man, not a paycheck. This daycare situation is the way with most families now. We are not unique in this.

The last daycare we saw depressed us both. Hubby had memories similar to the play yard of the last one. They were 3 star rated (the best) and had some very high-tech security systems in place. There were constant cameras in the rooms that you could view from the front lobby and zoom in on your child's room. There was a keypad where you had to enter a code to be able to go get your child and no one else could get in. The children were very well cared for, but none of them seemed happy. Plenty of play equipment, but when a child cried, they weren't cuddled at all. The attendants made sure they weren't really hurt but then walked off. Thirty seconds of touch with some kind of "see you're alright" babble would have made me happier. They were extremely expensive too.

So we were a bit sad by the time we got home. I was really sad and hubby was down from his giddiness at seeing our baby on the Ultrasound. I cried a little more and had a nap and felt much better. Very emotionally draining day.

Saturday, I got nearly nothing done and didn't feel my usual Saturday drive to even have a list of chores, much less get a bunch done. I meant to dice all the remaining turkey, package and freeze it, and also cook green beans for 8 hours, package and freeze those. That should have taken me 4 hours. It took all day instead. Oh well. This morning, I'm finally cooking a casserole for immediate consumption. So I've cooked a little bit for a lazy day, but I meant to do more. Oh well. Maybe I'll do better today. I'll report more tomorrow!

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