Thursday, April 7, 2011

Pity party and perspective on such

Anyone remember "the chezits" from my first pregnancy? That wonderful phenomenon where I cry uncontrollably for nearly no reason? Yeah, it's back. Only this time, there ARE things to worry and cry about in my life.

So here's the pity party: I'm not permanently employed and will have to look for real work after the baby comes. I'm already quite uncomfortable in my pregnancy and I have FIVE TO EIGHT WEEKS LEFT TO GO! It's getting harder to take care of Quint with a huge belly which complains when I lift Quint. Rastus (baby 2) has recently learned how to practically bruise me with his kicks and turns. Hubby has been ligitimately quite busy at work and has been working late a lot. He has already warned me that he will need to work this weekend. I miss his company and his help with (literally) the heavy lifting around the house. My temp job is at times mind numbingly dull, but we need the money. With commute times and whatnot, this temp job requires that poor Quint is in daycare for nearly 10 hours each day. I wouldn't want to be anywhere for 10 hours straight. He hasn't complained or been reluctant to go to Priscilla's, but yesterday when I dropped him off, he sat in my lap for a few minutes looking around, then sighed, hugged me, and went off to start his day. When I pick him up, he wants to leave NOW. Which really pulls at my heart strings.

So with all this going on, when "the cheezits" hit, I'm usually focusing on some or all of these. I do at least feel a better after I've cried and cried. But let's get some perspective here.

I do have a job right now which pays nice money. This money has allowed us to breathe a bit, do a little frivolous spending for sanity's sake (I'm talking probably $40 worth of frivolous spending) and get both the cars repaired. April is now completely solvent, including the $700 in taxes we owed, and if they keep me two weeks past this Friday, May will be solvent. Solvent is good. This job is hard on Quint, but it IS temporary.

As uncomfortable as I am right now, physically, I do not really want to have the baby right now. I may go through fleeting times of thinking " get him out, get him out, get him out!" but I am only 32 weeks along. Here's what happens when you have babies too early. A friend's blog shows pictures of a new set of triplets who were at approximately the same gestation as my little boy. Yeah, let's keep the karate kid in the oven for a bit longer no matter how many times I yelp per day.

Yes, I'm unemployed right now and money is tight, but we are in no danger of loosing our house or anything like that. Of our three credit cards, the only one that has anything on it has $1800 in car debt from the latest car we bought. And that's at some spectacular rate like 4-6%. All that to say, we've got credit available that we can tap into if necessary. With our tight budget (which we've mostly stuck to!) we still eat plenty well, even if we never really eat out. We're warm enough, cool enough, have gas for the cars, etc. And money is coming in right now from my temp job. So that's really not that bad.

And lastly, there is no huge family crisis going on in my life like poor Amalah. She is exactly the same amount of pregnant as me, and her father died of cancer last week. She also has a 6 year old and a 3 year old who have lost the first close relative of their young lives. So there's a lot of hard explaining to do.

My husband is wonderful and we just celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary. When he's home from work, he helps out, lifts things, takes over Quint duties, and massages things that ache on me. He reminded me last night that we've been through tougher spots in our marriage. Really? I asked. Like what? Like when we were living in two different states with a failing business and actively going into debt as a result. And then two teenagers drove into the side of our house. OK, yeah, that was really bad too. This is comparable but with pregnancy emotionalism added in.

I have an adorable little boy who is learning new words all the time. He is polite and obedient for the most part. He sleeps easily and through the night. He is a joy every single day for at least a few giggle infested minutes.

I have lots of blessings to count and I should try to count them when the cheezits hit.

*subject change*

My yard sale that I worked so hard on was a complete flop. I made a whopping $18. And yes I advertised. And I got a lot of interest in some of the stuff via craigslist. And it was beautiful weather. But the big point of the yard sale was the purge of our house. And the ARC will pick up my yard sale left overs on Friday morning. I need to call them today to let them know that it will be at least 10 boxes, a full size mattress and box springs, a carseat and working vacuum. I'm delighted to be getting rid of that much stuff that we don't use.

I still really like my hair shorter. Last night, I washed it late and went to bed with a wet head. This morning IT IS DRY!!! That hasn't happened in years and is a very welcome change. And with washing it more often, I'm able to treat my psoriasis more efficiently so maybe that will get better soon, too.

OK, off to start the daily schedule.

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