This weekend, I ran out of one of my anti-depressant pills and didn't manage to get it refilled for 36 hours. As a result, I missed 2 pills. Wow, what a difference a tiny little pill can make! I warned my husband to be on the lookout for random crabbiness, sadness, and the other typical things. He's been a great help!
My prescription is now refilled and I seem to be returning to normal. Let me tell you how missing those pills changed me basically overnight.
I contemplated stopping nursing my son. I researched whether to give my 8 month old cow's milk or formula until he reaches one year. This was all because he's become a distracted nurser. Or perhaps I'm trying to feed him when he's not really hungry. Either way, he's gotten in the habit of turning his head to look at things while he's still got a tight hold on me. With 6 teeth. So because I was blue, I seriously thought about going cold turkey on him. This would be detrimental to us both and a lot more painful than the occasional gasp of breath. Last night, I figured out that if I gently held his head while he nursed, when he first turned his head to look at something, I would be preventing him, he would let go and continue to turn his head. Wow. Problem solved. That was hard. But this seemed like a big crisis because I'd missed the pills.
I really, really dreaded washing my extremely long hair. My hair nearly reaches the chair seat when I sit. I love my hair. I've had long hair for 20 years. My hair, aside from washing, is extremely easy to keep, and keep out of reach of Quint's tiny fists. But without my medication, I dreaded taking care of it so much, it seemed like such a huge chore, that I actually thought about cutting it off where it wouldn't fit in a ponytail.
We had planned to visit my folks this past weekend, but because of some health issues, the trip was postponed a few weeks. So I suddenly had a three day weekend with nothing planned! I made some serious lists and even put polyurethane on two large dining room tables. And then I missed my pills. Monday, I had absolutely no interest in completing anything on my list. ME! Not jazzed by a list of things to do and time to do it! I only managed to get done the things that take 15 minutes or less. I did get all the laundry really done, though, so that's something. But still, I only got half my list done.
Yesterday was the worst. I got about 15 minutes worth of work done during my 5 hours at work. I couldn't think of what I needed to do, yet I didn't even organize my full inbox. I had 3.5 feet of filing to do, and had already made the file folders ready to file all that. I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon and told them at work that I wasn't sure if I'd be back. I got out of my appointment at 3:15. I could have gone back to town and worked for a whole other hour, thus saving my sick time for sometime when I was, oh, I don't know, SICK! I literally could not make myself go back to work. I told myself that if I stayed home that afternoon, I could make some baby food and still be productive. Or I could wash my hair without Quint crying. Instead, left Quint at daycare and I sat on my butt for 2 hours, eating Kit-Kat and watching Jerseylicious which I have never watched before and is a horrible, catty, shallow show that I now hate. I couldn't even confess this to my Hubby later, that I'd basically played hookie and had nothing to show for it.
During Monday and Tuesday, I nearly cried 3 times for absolutely no reason.
I also started to seriously dread being home alone all evening with just Quint. Hubby usually has lodge stuff to do on Tuesday nights. He got home at 6:30 and I was soooo relieved! We went on a walk, he reminded me of what all I had gotten done on Monday when I was off. He reminded me that I am a good wife and mother. We talked about how my situation in life has NOT changed in the past 2 days, even though it may feel like it.
Thankfully, neither Hubby or Quint ever really got on my nerves during this horrible 2 day period. Of course, I just completely indulged Quint in order to keep him happy. In the evenings, he really wants me to sit beside him and play with him all evening. If I walk off, he cries. Really annoying tendency, that. I've been trying to break him of it by weening him off constantly touching mommy. Monday and last night, yeah, I just stayed right there beside him so I wouldn't have to listen to him cry. And, let's face it, I was only going to sit on my butt anyway.
Today is tons better. I washed my hair (wow, only 20 minutes of work and 4 hours of being chilly) and filed that mountain of stuff at work. I have beautiful expanses of wood grain laminate to gaze upon on my desk. I've thrown away the empty Dr. Pepper cans and dusted these new gaps on my desk.
Huge sigh of relief!! I'm back to the real me!
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